youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
