all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
