you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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