In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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