hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
