I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
