I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
