I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
