i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
