the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
