I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
