My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
