How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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