She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
