Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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