if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
