I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
