im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Found the puke drawer
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
