we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
