The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
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Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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