And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
