This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
