Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
high people should be assigned attendants
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
