I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
