Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.