Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
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