Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
