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i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
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