I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.