I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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