still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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