he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.