your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
no, he came in my armpit
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
