In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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