hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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