her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
