her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
