dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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