Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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