I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
