3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
