hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
