I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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