There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
