is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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