i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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