I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
