How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you had me at cake vodka
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
