Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
