It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I deserve this hangover.
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