i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
