i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
