Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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