Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
