Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
