oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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