Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
