Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
