Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
