I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This is my gift to your gina
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
