I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
