handjob tips. give me some.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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