i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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