so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
