You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
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The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
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so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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