the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
